Ye best be comin' to this show: PIRATES

by: First Mate Dicko Fortuna

Arr Me Hearties!

T’is with great warmth of heart that I be here to announce that we be nearin Port Circa, with our pirate show all about pirates which we be callin PIRATES. 

We been at full sail fer some time now, with all hands on deck, either busy in the riggin, or rehearsing our jigs and learning our lines.  Learning lines has been tough as many among the crew ain’t clever with books an the like, so often we find we just has to make it up on the spot.  In fact given that the only one in the crew who can read is Jones, the cook, we may be forced to make it up the whole time, as Jones is usually busy making us Biscuits.  You see the biscuits Jones makes us are diffrent to the biscuits you lot might know...  Jones don’t got much in the way of eggs and such with us at sea most of the time, so he has to find other sticky things in the bottom of the ship to stick ‘em all together, like mooshed up snails and worms and weevils.  We try to get him to save the weevils though (they are much yummier as a side). 

We realised the other day that we don’t got much in the way of costumes, so we done what we done best.  Pirated!  The Mogul of India happened to be floatin past in a Caravel so we done hopped on board, tied ‘im to the mizzenmast and poked ‘im wiv spoons till he done agreed to lend us some fancy britches (Britches is like pants, but with puffier legs, like if normal pants were short pastry and britches were puff pastry, if ye get my drift).  So we might have to do a show about how we come about gettin such fancy britches.  We have had so many adventures recently I think we’s going to have to tell lots of diffrent stories. 

Like last week, Bosun Moon done lost his hand on the poop deck.  He put it down for a second to have a cup of tea and just like that a cheeky albatross whipped off with it and we haven’t seen it since.  It’s not too much of a worry though, Moon still has his normal two hands, he just likes to have a spare around in case things get busy.  And all the crew put our grog money together in Madeira and bought him a right nice hook, which he’s right over the moon about (actually that’s why we done re-named him Bosun Moon... He wanted to be Bosun Hook, but we thought Cap’n Hook might have something to say about that, so we started calling him Moon instead to keep his spirits up).

Also a few weeks back we noticed a lot of barnacles on the bottom of the ship, so we pulled in at Madagascar to careen her for cleaning.  We beached the ship at high tide, got all the crew off and dragged her up on shore as much as we could, and she was almost right out of the water when the tide went out.  But then, just as soon as we’d scraped all the barnacles off a pirate hunting privateer round the bay!  There was no way to escape so had to just pretend we was innocent bakers, not devilish pirates.  This worked a treat until he asked what a bunch of sailing bakers was doin with such fancy britches.  By this time though the tide had come in, so we just tied him to a coconut palm and sailed away in our nice clean ship!

Anyway, I can hear the Cap’n cursin’ me so I better get to work or we won’t make it in time to tell you rest of our adventures!  Just before I go...  People been asking what a bunch of ferocious pirates be doin making a theatre show fer kiddies.  Why you ask?  We just arrrrrrrrrrrrr!


PIRATES runs throughout the school holiday in Circa Two, with performances at 11 am and 1 pm Monday-Friday, and 11 am on Saturdays. To book tickets, call the Circa Box Office at 801-7992 or visit www.circa.co.nz.